Thing one, I know entirely too much KISStory. I got really in to KISS in college which weirdly coincided with their reunion tour. And the Psycho Circus tour. And I've probably said too much.
Thing two, I'M IN THE FRIGGIN' WASHINGTON POST MAGAZINE!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Never in my wildest dreams did I ever dare think that some day I would be in my town's paper of record and holy fuck shit, THERE I ARE! Digital version went up yesterday and the print edition comes out this Sunday. I absolutely love the photos of all of us in our Super Art Fight regalia. Makes us look so pro! Can't wait to see a physical copy!
ALLY
I guess you get what you ask for. Generic descriptions, generic candidates.
KANE
?Wanted, guitarist with flash and balls.?
====
BODIE
What?
KANE
So. Legend has it that when Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley were looking for a lead guitarist?
ALLY
Paul Stanley the painter?
====
KANE
What? Painter? Oh shit, he?s painting now! Anyway, so back when Gene and Paul were looking for a lead guitarist, they put out a classified ad in the Village Voice looking for a guitarist with ?flash and balls.?
====
KANE
Day of the auditions. They see a bunch of guitarists. None of them are really bringing it. Some of them have the flash, some of them have the balls, but no one has the right flash balls combo.
====
KANE
Gene and Paul are about to shut it down when this dude walks in and heads right for the amp. They?re about to throw him out because they?ve just had the shittiest day and are having none of it. He plugs in and starts wailing and Gene and Paul stop.
====
KANE
This is him! This is the guy they?ve been looking for! That dude is Ace Frehley and they go on to form KISS!
====
ALLY
You?re into KISS?
KANE
Gene Simmons spits blood and plays a literal axe for a bass! What?s not to like?
====
BODIE
So you?re saying that we should say that we ?make dope ass shit.?
KANE
Yeah! I mean, if we?re looking for our Ace we gotta be ourselves.
====
ALLY
I like it. But please, can we not with the ?balls?? Too dude broey.
KANE
And gross.
ALLY
I guess you get what you ask for. Generic descriptions, generic candidates.
KANE
?Wanted, guitarist with flash and balls.?
====
BODIE
What?
KANE
So. Legend has it that when Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley were looking for a lead guitarist?
ALLY
Paul Stanley the painter?
====
KANE
What? Painter? Oh shit, he?s painting now! Anyway, so back when Gene and Paul were looking for a lead guitarist, they put out a classified ad in the Village Voice looking for a guitarist with ?flash and balls.?
====
KANE
Day of the auditions. They see a bunch of guitarists. None of them are really bringing it. Some of them have the flash, some of them have the balls, but no one has the right flash balls combo.
====
KANE
Gene and Paul are about to shut it down when this dude walks in and heads right for the amp. They?re about to throw him out because they?ve just had the shittiest day and are having none of it. He plugs in and starts wailing and Gene and Paul stop.
====
KANE
This is him! This is the guy they?ve been looking for! That dude is Ace Frehley and they go on to form KISS!
====
ALLY
You?re into KISS?
KANE
Gene Simmons spits blood and plays a literal axe for a bass! What?s not to like?
====
BODIE
So you?re saying that we should say that we ?make dope ass shit.?
KANE
Yeah! I mean, if we?re looking for our Ace we gotta be ourselves.
====
ALLY
I like it. But please, can we not with the ?balls?? Too dude broey.
KANE
And gross.
